ever feel like everything you ever did was but a dream and you just woke up?

that's what i've started feeling like these last few days if not to a even greater extent like the majority of this life of mine has been but spent of the womb

when it comes to all my writings on trying to find a golden path or becoming some sort of monk, i see them as the attempts of a floundering youth, i spent so much time searching for a road of gold that i neglected to see that the entire world is platinum and i am but a being of humble gold what i sought was within not out, some say the world is full of pain and struggle, i can say that it indeed is, but i embrace all experience, those who cannot are weak or blind, we are all monks in a way, devoted to some aspiration, a million fates for a million faces, nothing wrong with somebody disagreeing, to all those i have angered or hurt, let go of it being angry at me and not letting yourself heal does nothing for you

personally i think it is time i moved on to bigger and greater things, blessed be those who find these words